In the interpersonal relationship，You always put yourself in your mind for the sake of others，When others need it，You are also willing to put aside what you are doing，Flower time、Energy to help others。In order to establish good interpersonal relationships，You did a lot of things、Helped a lot of people，You live your life with a similar state of mind every day，however，Home at night，After closing the door alone，But you find yourself very unhappy inside... this，Why?
because，You just try to live "in the eyes of others"
From small to large，We always judge whether our interpersonal relationship is good or bad by the reaction of others。This confirms the American sociologist Charles. Cooley (Charles Horton Cooley) Proposed "self in the mirror"，Explain our view of ourselves，It is often based on the reaction and perception of others，Indicates that we will be affected by "important others"。however，Care too much about others' perspectives，When living "in the eyes of others"，It’s easy to make us lose ourselves。
we know，Everyone basically likes "good people"，So in the interpersonal relationship，Everyone wants to be a "good person"，Can get along well with others、Popular、Have good popularity。Also because of this，Some people inadvertently abandon their principles (not even set them up for themselves)，Center of life without self，Catering to others blindly，Eager to establish good interpersonal relationships，But I don’t understand that such an approach is superficial and unpleasant。
"Playing" good people make you look forward to? Be careful not to be wronged、Hatred...
When we abandon our principles，Work hard to please others，We are in the wrong direction。Because that way is to "play" a good person，Instead of "becoming" a good person。When we try to "play" good people，There will definitely be a mentality of "expecting returns"。This "return" may be in any form，But no matter what form it (return) is，As long as there is expectation，Will make myself unhappy。
"Expecting returns" and "feeling bad" are closely linked，Because the applause is not enough to expect，Or when expecting to fail，There may be some voices in my heart，E.g："How can he take my contribution for granted?" "Why did I do so much?，Is he still so indifferent to me? '' Voices like this revolve endlessly in my heart，As a result, I see myself as the most "wrong" person，Even hatred，Think that others owe oneself，So make yourself very unhappy。and so，When you think you areRelationshipsWhen there is grievance，Ask yourself："Do I give with the mentality of "expecting returns"、To give? "
Good people can't play，How do you "become"? Establish principles，And stick to the principles interpersonal relationships will add points
In relationships，Whether it is proactive、passive，As long as it is forced or deliberately paid，Won't do it for yourselfInterpersonal relationship bonus，It’s hard to make people thank you，Because it just makes people feel pressured，I even want to keep a safe distance from you。Since I know so，Let’s stop forcing ourselves to "play" good people。
If you know in your heart what principles you actually have，Stop breaking your own principles。E.g，9 o'clock in the evening is an important time to spend time with your family，Then I have to spare this time anyway，Unless emergency，Otherwise, I will never divide my time casually。Because if one breaks the principle for other non-urgent needs，Others will think "this is not an important principle for you."，There will be a second、The possibility of interrupting for the third time。
If I didn’t have any principles，You can also feel the "reluctant、Deliberately，And understand that this is one of their boundaries，From then on, we can establish principles for ourselves in this boundary。E.g，Obviously there are so many things at hand that explode，My colleague came over and asked if I could help? Don't rush to answer at this time，But to first measure the current situation at hand and his needs，If I really can't help，We must know how to decline，Or provide other suggestions (for example, ask Mr. B for help)；If he is not in a hurry，Maybe you can promise him，But you have to express clearly, "It will be slower to complete his needs."。
You can easily "be yourself" by knowing yourself
Establish principles，The most important thing is to understand yourself first，Understand what you like、What don't like；What can be accepted、What can't be accepted；To what extent can you help，How much you can give。Since he is a good person，You don’t have to "play" a good person，If it’s because you’re afraid of rejection，It means that I am just trying to live in the eyes of others，Without knowing what I really want，Not sure how to "be yourself"。
"Being ourselves" doesn't mean that we are arrogant、Very self，But know how to allocate your resources to create better relationships，Don’t feel wronged to do things you “don’t want” or “can’t do”，I don’t need to be rewarded for everything，Because when we are willing to help others，Do it from the heart，Won't feel hard，Won't feel wronged，So it’s easy to feel happy，Also feel that the interpersonal relationship is complete and practical。
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